July 12, 2008

When I was in college, there was a guy that I had developed a very strong crush over. He was genuinely nice, attractive, a worldly man, and very confident in his life. Or so it seems from where I was standing. He recently came out as gay. Many people suspected it for years, and out of respect, I refused to listen to the rumors. That’s just how I roll.

However, after hearing the rumors made real, I could do nothing but shake my head. I should be glad that he was able to be honest with himself and finally face all the people that had ridiculed him for years. I should be proud that he was able to do that. I should respect him for that. I don’t. I only have anger for him that it took him this long, as if it were my place to decide it.

I had confessed my care and concern for him a while back after a rather humiliating party incident where he was dared, drunkenly, to expose himself to me. It shouldn’t have been a big deal, but it was, and I told him as much. I rarely talked to him after that. I couldn’t talk to him now. And I harbor so much hate for him given recent news…why? I don’t know… I just don’t know. As with so many things in my life, it is likely internal. That said, part of me still feels cheated.

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