return to paganityJuly 2, 2008
I’ve been sticking my fingers in the podiosphere for a while now and have listened to many podcasts from a wide variety of topics, from fantasy-based role-playing games, to myth analysis, to Firefly fan news, to astronomical news, to pagan philosophy and theory. Being pummeled with information and opinion for nearly three years now does something to the brain, obviously. I’ve questioned my faith and my ethics, my background, my education, my world. I’ve thought a good deal about it all, though not nearly as much as I will, and maybe I’ve come to some conclusions after all.
Mostly, with the external drive for me to be a participant in a religious world and in a religious system that I don’t believe works the way it says it does, I have decided to abandon what others call “practice.” I’m not too concerned about learning about magick anymore, even as a scholarly endeavor. I’m not even all that concerned with daily devotionals like I used to.
What I think would be best is what most call a “Sunday Christian” attitude. Sure, I’ll be going to the rituals and ceremonies because I get joy out of those. But I don’t feel it necessary to be as pagan as possible all day every day. I don’t need to wear this one my sleeve. I don’t even need to try and learn anything else about the faith or the system. I just need to take the ideals I hold dear and live with them.
The quandary lies in that I’m moving back to the Pagan community that holds a lot of stock in new age movements and ideas, so-called “spiritual technologies” that have no provable, repeatable, or fallible results. If you do it, you probably are doing it right, but everyone has their own experience, and that doesn’t follow any other sort of logic. Should someone produce a technology that can be proven in a scientific way, I’ll probably consider it more, but beyond that, its just crap to me anymore.
But the rituals and community and all that: it’s all very important. Half of being in a religion is the other people in it with you. I know these are good people, and I want to keep being around them. I want to go back to planning the public rituals. I want to go back to being considered important in that community. But I don’t feel like I need to get my DNA “activated” or get my chakras cleaned. I don’t even have to find my personal deity. All I need to do is get up everyday with good deeds in mind and have as much fun being around these people as I can.