March 28, 2008

Maturity comes in spurts. Where merely two months ago, going to see my old fraternity chapter would have been an event where I nearly demanded that attention be paid to me, today, I found I didn’t want to get in the way of things. I haven’t been around the chapter for working on a year, and while I miss them terribly, I find that my place is no longer with them. My place may not be with the fraternity anymore at all. It’s just interesting to sit with people who, not that long ago, were way pleased to have you around, and find that today, that’s not the case. Closure, in a way.

I’ve had the same problems with friends. Someone I’ve spent many long hours with usually gets on my nerves in large chunks. I can really enjoy her company, but she has her moods, and I don’t always work well with people’s moods. Actually, I never really tolerate people’s moods. But we were fairly close, and got to a point where things she would say just made me angry. I should have done something about it sooner than I did, but I didn’t.

So, now she’s half way to Antarctica, and everyone raves about how much they miss her, but really I don’t all that much. I suppose I shouldn’t feel so bad about it, but I sorta still wish things had been better. I talk to her online, and the conversation is very short and polite…we really didn’t click all that well: a missionary hopeful and a gay heretic..not the best combination.

Bah, what can you do?

People are how they are, and we are all just star-stuff colliding together in random patterns to make beautiful webs of nothing significant when its all said and done. The most frivolous and wonderful of beauty, and the core of our worlds.


One comment

  1. You _are_ postmodern.

    But aside from that, don’t you hate when that happens? Can’t friends be stable things? This is what I hope for, but it doesn’t really always work like that.

    I remember that I had a former “best friend” sitting in my room the other day, coming to visit with a whole group of people that weren’t my guests, and all I thought was that I couldn’t wait until she left my room. But then, I’m a horrible person.

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