January 11, 2008

It never ceases to amaze me, people’s lives.

Tonight, I had a discussion about the situations of my co-workers’ families. All reasonably good thing come from them, but for sake of their privacy, I don’t want to give details. We’ll just leave it at this: It is so wonderful to see how people can come to love children that aren’t their own.

I really appreciate this. My brother and I are both adopted children. I was adopted at four days old; he was adopted at about a week. We have been unabashedly blessed to have the supportive, loving families that we have, despite all the bullshit that has gone down in our own little torrid lives. While I have never met my biological family, my brother has nearly daily contact with his. That is a situation for which I am sometimes jealous, but sometimes it is a point of great suffering for him.

I think about where we might be if we had never been put up for adoption, and all I can draw is a blank. Only by the grace of God or something like it would an unwanted child survive past infancy. I am both lucky and scared by this notion.

The guy from my date not that long ago told me in no uncertain terms that he thought every person deserved to be a parent and that every person who had a child would grow to love them and would grow to be good parents who love each other. This is just a fucking lie.

Cynics aside, I would like to point out that no one should have to feel obligated to have children. I do not want children of my own. I dream and daydream often about the things I would teach them, but I don’t want to deal with babies. It’s a selfish thing, but I just thank my lucky stars that I have no desire to go do the sideways mambo with a woman so that I could just end up another loser dad. On top of that, my simply not wanting children will keep me from trying to propagate and bringing another hungry mouth into an already starving world.

So, I just want to thank every single barren woman, sterile man, step-father, step-mother, foster parent, insecure mother, supportive parent, cautious doctor, active social worker, concerned pastor, or anyone else that fits this list for becoming a part of the adoption process with love in mind and making lives like mine possible. Without you to keep the system afloat, I simply wouldn’t exist.

And thank you to every man or woman who joined a family, saw that it needed more love, and could only think to give it more. It’s people like you that heaven is made for.



  1. I for one am glad you are where you are and you were where you where my friend!!! Kudos to you 🙂 I hope one day I can give someone a home after I get in a better situation.

  2. I have to agree with much of what you said. As I too was adopted and would have had a much different life then I did. I have recently been in contact with my biological family and can see what my life would have been like.

  3. I do want to adopt someday. I know I’m perfectly capable at creating lives with my own DNA, but my heart goes out to those kids who were given up for a chance at a better life with a different family. I remember working at the center and seeing some of the abused kids who definately deserved to be in a different household and wanting to just take them home.

    I love ya and am glad you are the man you are. Your mom did a wonderful job raising you. 🙂

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