sleep to dream

September 26, 2007

I dreamed I was running a marching rehearsal. All the junior high kids were outside on the street just next to the school. One group, consisting of Mrs. Head’s classes and the percussion classes, was far up the street, waiting for orders. The advanced band was right with me, marching slowly away from me. Mrs. Head was nowhere in sight.

I gave a command to about face, which my group performed well, heading them back to join the other company. However, having heard the order to about face, the company in the distance promptly turned on their heels, and marched away from me. Here I was, in the middle of a class, giving one order to two groups and getting nowhere. Is this how things truly are? Am I really running in circles this badly?

Today, during first period, the high school choir director comes and sits in my office. We exchange cordials, then discuss my time here. I express some concerns; he expresses ways to deal with them. He completely validated my worries. I have every right to feel this way, and it is okay. I will work this out, he says. I take it all in, make silent plans in my head. I wonder how my often changing of discipline techniques is affecting my classes, but dismiss it to worry about more important things at hand.

Later, after the percussion class, Mrs. Head informs me that I took eight minutes of class to just lecture the students over behavior, and that last Friday, I’d taken some thirty-five minutes. Naturally, I was in disbelief, and the feeling of failure and seclusion fell hard on me like bricks rained from imploding buildings. I try and try, I think, and get nowhere. The perception is nowhere, at least. I hope and pray that, one day in the future, the classes will finally get it into their thick skulls just what I’m wanting. In the meantime, I’ve got to change my perception so that I’m not waiting for them to finally catch on; I’m not waiting on them at all.

One comment

  1. Like you said, you’re on a college level still and not theirs. Plus, I think you’re still learning too.

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