April 28, 2007

So much food! Oh my god! I’ve never had so much food in one place at one time.

Two hams
A brisket
Two potato casseroles
Five different vegetables
Two jello salads
A green salad
A cream spinach casserole
A green bean casserole
Four loaves of bread
Four pans of homemade hot rolls
Five gallons of tea
Two chocolate cakes
Two yellow cakes
Two plates of brownies
A pineapple upside-down cake
A stew
A pea salad
A bowl of cole slaw

I think that’s everything. I can’t be sure, for sure. And to think that we’re only about halfway through it all, even when we had about 50 people in the house yesterday. It was a full on buffet! So much food! So many people!

The service was beautiful. The two preachers that did the indoor service talked so much about how my grandmother’s life was a testament unto itself, because she lived as her God told her to, and she lived in peace. She was a quiet woman, yet full of power and strength.

A little information: my grandmother had back surgery almost six years ago. They broke her back in three places and put in rods. She was terribly allergic to the metal in her back, so she’s been on pain killers every since.

A year or so after that surgery, they discovered she’s had about four heart attacks that went completely undiscovered. One of the blockages had by-passed itself, creating a loop in the artery on her heart without any surgery at all. However, she did have to have some open heart surgery. She recovered poorly from this one. The doctors told her she had probably a month to live, so she should live it up.

Nearly five years later, she was still hanging on, though her brain was almost completely vegetative from the impressive lack of oxygen she was getting in her head. She was a petite woman, but easily weighed under fifty pounds when she finally died.

She held on very long, and she was as strong as she could be. Ornery til the end, frustrating to the last day, as she would hide things from my grandfather…like her teeth…in the fridge.

The obituary was very nice. She was a grandmother, a mother, a sister, an aunt, and a daughter. All the things a woman can be. The service was amazing, and flowers were so beautiful. I hope to get some of the pictures in here soon.

And since I’m being terribly erratic in this post anyway, I’ll just say this: I did go see her. I wept terribly when I saw her, but she was really beautiful, and she looked at peace, like she was sleeping. Her face was much fuller than when last I’d seen her. But her hands felt like clay, her face was hard. Truly, she is gone. I know this for sure.

I imagine her as a golem, waiting for a soul to come back into her through some sorcery. In the meantime, she is heavy, made of clay, and cold.

I miss you Meme! I love you Meme!



  1. *hug* That’s how I want to go too, ornery ’till the end. I mean, hiding your teeth just to be spiteful – that’s something to live up to.

    I’m glad you went to see her too. Sometimes there is a disconnect if you don’t see the memeber of the family that died. Your brain just can’t make the connection of death if it isn’t seen. Hope you’re doing well; if not, give me a call.

  2. People bring food when they feel helpless to do anything they consider more useful. I understand this instinct.

    I’m not sure if it’s helpful, but don’t think of your Meme as “gone.” She’s existing on a different frequency than you are right now. Trust me on this; you’ll find that later, when you’re still and quiet, you’ll feel her and know that she’s thinking of you. No one is ever gone.

  3. *hugs* I was thinking about you when I went out to the woods on Thursday to remember my father. It was something I wasn’t going to do. I was going to clean my house to distract myself. I was really hoping you’d go and I’m glad that you did. It’s hard seeing them there, lifeless, but it provides closure. I hated seeing my father that way, but it helped me too. It made it real. Carry her in your heart, remember the stories, live the life. *hugs*

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