h1

exhaustion

April 4, 2007

Today, around 12:30, I became a full-fledged zombie. It happened in the throes of lunch, and in the midst of a day that I really wish I’d had more energy for. I became sluggish, slack-jawwed, and maintained a reaction rate about 30% slower than normal. I didn’t even get the joke that was obviously aimed at me, and in the typical format that I use. It was my joke! I totally missed it. Right over my head.

I’ve been taking some vitamin supplements for a couple days now, at lunch, and I suppose that that is the time in which they begin to peter out, leaving me a hollow shell of a being that I once was. This is, I guarentee, unfortunate. It’s difficult to teach when you are trying to focus on staying awake long enough to get to the lunch table, where the next pill is imbibed.

And of course, withouth fail, right on my way home from school, I start having thoughts about not taking the nap I promised myself. About trying to make it all the way to the end of my library shift without some reprieve from energy burn. A staggering 17 hours that doesn’t even include the amount of time I’m likely to spend at home before actually making myself go to bed, wherein my problem lies.

Sleep is boring. I was the child who would fight sleep to the death, staying up very late watching TV when I was quite young out of fear of missing something exciting. In more recent years, it has been out of fear for not getting everything done I would like, thoug granted, I am not that efficient. Maybe 24% or 30%, but not so highly motivated that I would stay up til 2am writing at any regular interval. I’m more likely to wheel around on websites, playing with my blog until I am either plum exhausted or simply more bored than not willing to sleep.

Sleep is boring, yet good, and I always want to go back when I wake up in the morning. However, though I obviously have slept thousands of nights in my life, I still can’t quite convince myself that sleep is more important that this thing, right now, in front of my face.

Ask my mother, and she’ll tell you I take on too much and don’t sleep enough. I’ve always had a penchant for overloading myself for too long a period of time, which leads to meltdowns and exhaustions that go beyond anything that I can find to be admirable or useful. And since I’m student teaching, the amount of energy I’m burning everyday has increased considerably over the amount I burned regularly during my normal college life. Sure, I walked from my apartment to school and back, nearly three miles. Sure I used to stay up much later. However, I was not always in thinking mode, and I wasn’t constantly assessing and changing the class plan and fielding a hundred questions and trying to do well at what I do and worrying about whether or not the other teachers like me and whether or not I’m gonna get a job somewhere or if I’ll get my writing assignments done each with or fill out an appropriate number of applications today or get my xbox fixed or, or, or, or… Hrah! Tired!

The following is the list of activites we have planned for the rest of the semester:

  • UIL contest for 5 bands
  • Greater Southwest contest for 4 bands
  • Day-out trips for 180 sixth graders
  • A solo contest for 7th and 8th, about 70 students
  • Another solo contest for 180 sixt graders. Most of which are playing the same song.
  • A trip to Corpus Christi for 4 days with high school kids on which there is a day with 11 hours of free time.
  • Auditions at the Junior High for bands for the following year.
  • Auditions at the Intermediate school for bands for next year.
  • Drum major tryouts
  • Colorguard tryouts
  • Drill Instructor Tryouts
  • Drumline Tryouts
  • Planning for summer camps
  • Planning for marching season
  • A spring concert for 6 bands
  • Collecting school-owned, student-borrowed instruments
  • Collecting other equipment
  • Organizing the entire school cluster’s library (about 10 3-drawer cabinets)
  • Me getting observed several more times
  • Me conducting something on the spring concert

The semester ends in little over a month, and this is our laundry list for the end of the year. Not to mention, we’ve already had 4 clinics, one concert and tons of sectionals and night rehearsals. We, all of us, the teachers, are tired. One of them warns me that this is the easy part right here. Once contest is over, we really start burning the gas light just trying to catch up with ourselves.

The ironic part of this lies is that idea that I’m required to do this for my degree. Sure, it’s a great perspective into the career I’m being trained for. Sure, it’s a great learning experience in general. I have learned a lot. However, what if I don’t get hired by this school district? I will totally feel betrayed by someone. Not the directors, I think. I know that, given the choice between me or the other teacher, they will probably pick her. She’s had more hints dropped to her about applying than me. However, as much work as I’m doing for this program, I think I ought to at least get some points. I probably do–points I just don’t see.

In the meantime, I’m gonna post another poem, then work on a classroom assignment, apply for a job down in the Houston area, then hope I don’t catch fire.

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3 comments

  1. Jesus, stop and smell the chocolate already. ^_^


  2. Sweety, you need a bit of rest! That’s a lot to take on with minimal z’s.


  3. […] in Music Education, Education, School, Life at 8:56 pm by eatsbugs The following is a review of my list of things to do before my student teaching is […]



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