12.30.06

details

Posted in Thoughts at 1:35 pm by eatsbugs

Speaking to Adam the other day, he informed me how the Rosary works. Let’s see if I get this right: It’s 5 sections containing a certain amount of prayers per section, and you can focus on different sets of “Mysteries” (which are tales from Jesus’ life) depending on what you are praying about. The whole thing takes around 40 minutes.

Something about this seems very alluring. I can’t decide if its the process of a prescribed meditation or the bead thing. Honestly, from where I’m sitting, I wouldn’t mind having something like that to do. Granted, not too intersted in an Ave Maria or Salve Regina. However, let’s think of something that might fit me better:

“I am here in this place and full in myself. Here, I have the moment to hold and cherish, for there is nothing before or after that matters. The moment is in my hands and to be at peace with now brings peace with myself. This is how the world works, moment by moment.”

“The universe says yes to all things. Nothing happens that is outside the realm of knowing or being, and nothing violates the nature of things, for all things exist in nature. To realize that life is never in opposition to itself is to learn how to cope with even the more dire tragedy. This is how the world works, with all things as one.”

“No man is an island, for nothing happens that doesn’t affect someone or something else. With this, nothing happens that wasn’t caused by some other event. Life is a chain of happenings, and choices are mearly made from the set of options that comes down the chain. Take responsibility for your actions, and allow chance to have its place in life. This is how the world works, with all things connected, before and after.”

Not bad, eh? Perhaps this would be a good thing to include in my life in the next year. Certainly the lessons I’ve just written out arent my own, and I certainly haven’t mastered them. Just a thought. Or maybe there is some nice koan out there that would suffice. What do the Buddhists do with their 108 beads?

Anyway, to bring it back around, I’ve been thinking about going to a Catholic Mass because of this Rosary thing, and the prescribed ritual. Though I doubt the wonder I see is nearly as large in other’s eyes. At least not those born into that faith. But that’s another topic.

NaDruBloDa

Posted in Life at 12:16 am by eatsbugs

No, seriously. I’m drunk.

*taps on desk* what to talk about… oh I know! Babies! Let’s talk about babies.

So, I’m back in my hometown, and I’m staying with family that is a little bit like friends. Actually they are more like friends that are more like family. It’s a long story. They have this baby, and she’s adorable. She is also quite capable at ignoring people. She can be sitting down, coloring on the wall while mom and dad sit across the room, screaming her name because they are sitting down, and she just ignores them. “The baby you are trying to yell at is busy or does not answer. Please leave a message after I draw the most abstract representation of a dinosaur on this here wall. Beep.”

This baby is quite cute. She seems to carry a charm that is very much her own. I mean, how cute can a baby be when they sling mac & cheese all over Chili’s? Not much, but for her, it was nearly worth laughing over.

However, the plight of my being this weekend, thus far (because I’m sure I’ll come up with some thing that can also be my plight. Can’t have just one!) is children’s programming. Namely, the Wiggles. I give them props because they include more non-suggestive and non-questional material. I give them props because they include both a regular exercise workout with information on safety and a regular cast of characters that creates a…good…learning environment for children, though that environment be through a series of vacuum tubes and ultra-sonic radiated pulses that will eventually rot your brain. But they are (ready?) FUCKING BORING AS HELL, OH MY GOD, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!!! SERIOUSLY, HOW CAN ONE GROUP OF PEOPLE SUBMIT THE PARENTS OF COUNTLESS PEOPLE TO TORTURES THAT WOULD MAKE BOTH NAZIS AND TED DANZA CRINGE IN FEAR! FUCK!

Also, C’s father does not have a calendar of men with mohawks hanging in his office. That is all.

12.28.06

ta da, i’m home

Posted in Life, Poetry at 11:11 am by eatsbugs

Sorry for the “long-time-no-post.” I decided to take a break. I think I’m done now.

So how are you? How’s have you been? Did you have a good Yulkwanzhannachrismadon? I did. I got Magnetic Poetry. Three kinds! The sweet original, the extra crispy Poet’s edition, and a honey BBQ calendar with a magnetic pad on the bottom. I decided to hand the calendar in the living room so that my friends of overactive imagination and borderline “can’t keep my hands to myself” disorder would have something to play with.

 Results thus far?
“Melt after another blue morning, please.”
“I relax with easy shrubbery”
“I party like a man in grass on fire.”
“Is firing your goddess bad?”
“dark freedom is almost always like a warm happy woman.”
“Puddles eternally dream of cake as tomatoes ask for murmuring promises from secret monsters”

Go friends!

Stay tuned tomorrow for National Drunk Blogging Day, featuring C. I may even let her post on my blog to add some texture.

And a quick shout out to Miss Kate over at Dating God (see blogroll). Her Grandma Booty died recently, and who couldn’t use a little more love these days, anyway. Chin up, Kate!

To Beat Nature 122506

Posted in Poetry at 11:03 am by eatsbugs

I heard they were making a trip
   to the Roof
To hang clumsily over the edge,
Seeing the world’s back yard
   through the eyes of frostbite & dying
To feel the rush of life
   the completion to being.
To win.
I heard of prayer flags,
   oxygen bottles,
And wondered at myself,
   naturally,
But decided to go south.

That might prince invites
   none, yet has more visitors
   than me.
Perhaps, when I go south,
I should grow tall and
   collect a Goddess to ride my shoulders,
And install a doorbell
   at my waist.

12.20.06

post umpteenth

Posted in Life at 9:19 am by eatsbugs

It snowed last night. It rained all day the day before. It’s been nice, though yesterday I was bored out of my damn skull. Why? Mostly because I didn’t have a good way of getting out of the house. My friends were either stranded in the next town or deciding to stay in for the day (poo on them) and I wanted to be doing things.

Of course I had stuff at home I could do. I could have been writing, I could’ve read almost all of the books I’m digging into right now. Instead, around 7pm, well after the sun had gone down, I decided to get my happy ass outside and break up the half inch of ice surrounding my car. I have to say, it was a blast. I really enjoyed the activity.

On top of that, I’m lucky because it made it easier to get to my car today, since I decided to drive to work instead of walking. I don’t like cold feet and we got about 2 inches of snow. They didn’t cancel work this time, which was odd.

Anyway, today is exciting! I have a massage at 2.30, which is sorely needed, pun not intended. Hopefully, today will be productive on a high level.

12.18.06

I did it.

Posted in Life at 11:57 am by eatsbugs

I removed myself from MySpace.

Sorry, C. You’re down to two. *smile*

12.15.06

crime of words

Posted in School, Thoughts at 9:19 am by eatsbugs

The evidence:
The following is an article that appeared in my school’s newspaper on November 16, 2006.

“Sex is Meant for Marriage, by Carmelo Morales

Just how bad is premarital sex? This seems to be a pretty common question among college students.
You might find yourself in a relationship that is progressing in that direction, but you’re not sure what to do.
You might have even begun to weigh the pros and cons of premarital sex.
There seem to be some positive outcomes, like acceptance from your peers, the hope for pleasure, and the fulfillment of sexual desires.
On the other hand, the negative outcomes carry the weights of morals, fear of pregnancy or disease, and guilt.
‘I believe that premarital sex is not God’s will for me,’ Beth Fuller, Junior nursing major, said.
Fuller said that to avoid premarital sex, God should be our driving motivation.
The Bible explains in 1 Corinthians 6:13 that the body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.
In Ephesians 5:3 it is stated very clearly, ‘But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.’
According to the Bible one should practice total abstinence from premarital sex.
Cesar Lafuente, freshmen undediced major, said premarital sex is morally wrong because sex is meant for marriage.
‘I don’t want to share a gift with some one that I’m not supposed to.’ Lafuente said.
Most people don’t consider the emotional effects of premarital sex. Sex is an emotional experience and it affects our lives in ways we don’t understand.
After engaging in premarital sex, many people express feelings of guilt, embarrassment, distrust, resentment, lack of respect, tension, and so much more.
Saxon Tallman, freshmen psychology major, said that people tend to become addicted to sex, and it ends up leaving them spiritually empty.
Sex is one of those things that usually tend to have that negative connotation to it, but sex is not a bad thing. God is the one who created sex.
God created sex to be fun, exciting, and pleasurable for married couples.
The Bible talks about this in Hebrews 13:4, ‘Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.’
It is clear in the Bible that God intended sexual activity to be for those who are married.
‘Sex is not a bad thing,’ Tallman said, ‘It’s good for people that are married. Marriage is unity and it’s for procreation.’
If sex is not such a bad thing then why should people have to wait?
Well, in God’s view, the purpose of sex is not recreation, but re-creation.
God wants us to wait until we are married to have sex to protect us. God wants to protect us from unwanted pregnancies, and God wants to protect children from parents who are not prepared for them.
Vicar General (Diocese of Amarillo) Reverend Michael Colwell, said sex is either a sacrament, when expressed in Holy Matrimony or as a destructive act when expressed in casual encounters that lack stability and permanence.
‘It’s [sex] fire is so powerful, so precious, so close to the heart and soul of a person, that it either gives life or takes it away,’ Colwell said.
According to the Bible, abstinence is God’s only policy when it comes to premarital sex.
Abstinence saves lives, protects babies, gives sexual relations the proper value, and most importantly abstinence honors God.”

The catalyst:
The following is the publication policy of said newspaper

“The Prairie is a student-operated newsppaer at West Texas A&M University. It functions to inform, educate and entertain readers accurately and responsibly. It does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the administration, faculty or staff.
The editorials that appear on this page represent the opinion of the Prairie editorial board. The views expressed by other columnist are the writers’ opinion and do not necessarily reflect the board’s view.
The Prairie welcomes letters…”

The reaction:
The following is my letter to the editor, Jasinia Flores, and was printed on December 6, 2006

“Dear Editor and Editorial staff:
I was very disappointed to read the article in the November 16th issue “Sex is Meant for Marriage.” At first I was alarmed to see such a bold title, and hoped that the article would be an intelligent discussion of the topic.
However, I was sorely upset by the actual content. The article’s content was purely religious, namely Christian. While the content is not entirely inappropriate, its message was not somthing an education and information source should be delivering. According to your statement on the opinion page: ‘[The Prairie] functions to inform’ educate and entertain readers accurately and responsibly.’ I believe allowing any group, subculture or official to turn the newspaper into a soapbox for its own message is irresponsible to the fullest extent.
Though I do recognize that the opinions printed don’t necessarily reflect the opinions of the editorial staff, I do think it is up to the editorial staff to determine if an article will serve the audience and inform or educate them accurately. The writer for this particular article made a lot of claims as to the mental health of those who engage in premarital sex with no facts presented. The opinions of other students at WT with only partial knowledge of the suject do not constitute professional opinions, and are therefore not appropriate. Also, there are a lot of students at WT that either don’t recognize a Christian ideology or validate that particular ‘moral.’
In short, I thought the article could be summed up as ‘You are a Christian, whether you like it or not, and you can’t have sex or you’ll go crazy.’ Not appropriate for a publication of an educational institution.”

Rawr!

Granted, this all happened a couple weeks ago. However, I’ve had a number of people who actually read it, and all of them praised me. And two of them were older women! Librarians even!

Yay for people who think with their heads and not with the lint that collects in their belly buttons.

12.14.06

Sebastian meets the Dark Queen

Posted in Fiction at 10:24 am by eatsbugs

As he stepped off the train and onto the platform which rose high above the skyline, he found himself at the perfect vantage point for seeing the largest graveyard he’d ever seen. Two square miles of empty, dilapidated warehouses and office complexes. Vast blank parking lots surrounding dead sheet-metal monsters and mummified distribution centers splotched the landscape. A chill wind blew, and Sebastian shivered.           

Down three flights of steps and he was standing just before the first of the silent behemoths. It had one maw with a garage-style door that gaped at him. The broken window could have been eyes. It did not breathe, and Sebastian felt lucky.

 There was nothing typically frightening about this place. It was mid-day, the sun was letting in just enough light through the clouds to illuminate everything and eliminate shadows, and no one had been here, reportedly, in almost ten years. It hadn’t even become the victim of youth gangs armed with spray cans and crowbars. The pathways between buildings were immaculate. Actually, it was downright creepy.           

The idea that this was the hidden city of Ribar, home of the Dark Queen, bothered him most. For all his doubts, for all his misconceptions, it finally seemed real, and it quivered his soul.           

The path marked on the small napkin map was clear enough. Tenaka had been patient enough with his own foul handiwork to draw the skeleton information needed. He could easily make it from train depot to Warehouse Seven without getting lost.

Sebastian couldn’t keep his eyes from wandering, regardless of what he’d been told. A caved patch of aluminum siding revealed a simple desk and swivel-chair, both a deep red and covered in a thin layer of dust. An open door showed an empty chamber resembling a hanger, in which there was nothing mechanical other than the pipes that ran up the walls from floor to light box. Another shiver ran his spine, this time at the thought of what brought about such abandon without replacement, without enough signs of remains to constitute previous inhabitance.           

Two lefts, a right, a half mile of straight, and a quick jab through the parking lot to the west, and he found himself staring into the stolid face of Warehouse Seven. No doors, no windows. Just a sign marking its name beside a peaked triangle with a line running northeast to southwest. He checked the map and read, through a small ketchup stain, the symbol.            

But how to get in? Making the seventy paces to check both sides, he found one tall white door with a silver handle on the right. The handle was covered with a dust of its own, a fine grit, and creaked as Sebastian gripped it firmly in his bare hand and opened it.           

Before him, he could see the other side, straight across. To his right, a small barrier blocked his view of the rest of the warehouse. The ceiling rose up from just above the door to a
high point, beamed with rusting steel. A thick layer of white dust carpeted the floor. 
           

He moved around the barrier, slowly, one eye at a time, one hand on the cold cement that blocked his view. It was as long as football field with a bright red glow breaking into the center of the room.           

The light that cascaded down from the slightly smashed windows in the roof marked the path like a checkerboard, and he proceeded square by square all the way until the vision became clearer. It was a throne. A high-backed chair rimmed in gold and silver intertwined. Rich red velvet filled the space between, and on the velvet sat a woman.           

The first of the explosion of feathers that was her headdress touched the back of the chair with ease, flowing a little in the stale breeze. All the feathers were red and black, making three thin black stripes on a field of red, fanning out to touch her shoulders, which sloped to the arms of the chair. The dress flowed outward in all directions, surrounding the throne in a sea of crimson silk that shined bright.            

As Sebastian drew nearer, his vision revealed two blued hands covered in rings of many different metals and two eyes behind a blood red veil. The eyes, black like onyx, stared at him, through him.            

He approached, keeping a respectful distance. He could make out the jewels in the dress, and could see the delicate shine of the silk as it draped across the floor, almost to his feet. He dug his hands into his jeans’ pockets, trying to hide in himself.           

“You know why you were sent,” she thick smoky tones informed him.           

 He stammered, wavering both in his mind and in his body. “Uh, y- yes ma’am.”           

She continued to stare, as though expecting more words. He picked up on this.           

“The old man told me that if I came to Ribar, I would be told what I have to do to make the nightmares go away.” His face fell thinking about all the horrors that had permeated his mind in that last several months.           

The eyes smiled. “Yes.”           

The silence between them was as vast as the warehouse itself.           

“So… what do I need to do?”           

“You are needed. You possess a skill that is rare in your kind, and you have knowledge, now, that is useful to us. The Fae need you.”           

Great, he thought. Another recruitment technique from another weirdo. The eyes continued.           

“The group known as the Reality Liberation Front is threatening our existence. You have seen the twisted landscape of New Mexico, no?”           

With those words, images of the hulking pillars that bolted suddenly out of the group flew into his mind. The bloody corpses that hung from make-shift fortresses. The furniture that tried to eat him. All too vivid. If he’d not been there when it happened, he would have laughed and chalked it up to a bad night’s sleep. Maybe that was why it was all so horrible.           

“Yes,” he answered, removing his hands, and folding them around his sides to stifle the chill.           

“Then you know the horror of nightmares when they come to life. The Fae suffer, and the things that terrify us all the most make their way slowly into Reality, destroying everything we know to be true.”

He nodded to show that he was beginning to understand, though everything was so fuzzy in his mind.           

“You are needed as an agent for the Fae. You will help us end the work of the RLF, and in turn, we will return your sanity to you.”           

His eyes widened, trying again to comprehend this call to action. Tenaka said that they would ask this of him. He didn’t understand then, and he didn’t understand now.           

“What do you mean ‘end the work’?” his quizzical expression pulling him forward to the edge of the silk.           

“I mean that you have to stop them. You have seen them.” The voice grew firmer, stronger, higher. “You have seen them kill a Fae. You have seen them destroy a house full of Fae in the name of restoring order to human reality. How can such chaotic action bring order to anything?” One hand crumpled up into a fist and pounded the arm of the throne, bringing a shiver to the headdress. “How can ending one life save another?!”           

Sebastian took a step back, away from the silk, away from the form. He’d never seen such emotion from a Fae before. The familiar pain of sympathy imbued his chest. He breathed deep.           

One hand reached up, and pulled the veil away. Beneath it was not the black-blue twisted jaws of a Fae, but the small chin of a girl, acne-scarred, and a quivering bottom lip.           

“We need you, Sebastian. We need your Sight. We need your ability to reach into the human world and save the Fae that are lost.” Her face fell down, and her hands played with the silk of her dress. A delicate scene. He wanted to hug her.          

“I need you. To save my people from a death even you can’t imagine.”           

Again, silence.            

After a full minute, she replaced her hands on the arms of the chair, raising her posture again.            

“You have one day to decide if you will help us. Remember, it is your sanity that is at stake. We will help you, but only if you help us first.”           

That said, the Queen, the throne, the building and the whole of the warehouse graveyard vanished, before his eyes, leaving him standing on sand, surrounded by sand, looking out into the bay, and wishing he had some aspirin.

12.13.06

eatssandwiches

Posted in Thoughts at 8:24 am by eatsbugs

As I’m walking around school this week, I started to get a great sense of space. It was curious, how much more open space there was suddenly. I mean, I live on the plains, so open space isn’t a problem, or a luxury. It’s just the way things are. You have to drive between two places, most times, because it could take you 30 minutes just to get to the grocery store. And public transportation, ha! We have it, but I’ve never seen it.

But this increase in capacity or vicinity felt empty, no pun intended. It dawned on me as I was looking around campus, at all the people.  This photo is a sample of the sort of girls I was seeing. Note how the ponytail works best for this body type. Apparently, wearing your hair down is fattening. Though this particular specimen is beautiful, ignore her feet. She’s probably related to clowns, or wears tassels or something. Either way, she can’t be blamed for her bad selection of shoes; her blood sugar is far too low.

Here is another beauty, on the left. Not only can you see her ribs, but you can see her hip bones and her spine. And her thorns. She’s going with a more natural look, I suppose. Nice necklace.

After a long photo shoot, a meal of exactly three saltines and a stalk of celery equal to her total body mass and a fun night at the club, this lovely model likes to curl up with a comfy, uh, twisty-tie. Aw, they’re so efficiently packed when they’re sleeping. So peaceful.

good day

Posted in Life at 8:04 am by eatsbugs

Yesterday was pretty good. I had a couple moments where I wondered how I ever got into a bad mood, and one where I had to think to know for sure that I was having a great day, because my grasp on what that meant has loosened over the last couple months. But, here’s how my day went:

1. Called into work because I was out cuddling with the Dancer, so I got to sleep in.
2. Got up, took my time, and enjoyed some brown sugar/cinnamon poptarts while I worked on my English Final.
3. Went and practiced saxophone and percussion, did pretty good. Got good work done, felt pretty proud of myself.
4. Went to percussion final, played okay, didn’t feel bad about it, went about my business
5. Worked on printing out some poems for my professor, decided I’m not so bad a writer after all.
6. Grabbed a tasty lunch at Wendy’s with Adam, went into town.
7. Went with him to play his brand-spankin’ Xbox 360, its shiny. Got to play with the Great Dane, I love puppies.
8. Got my results from percussion final, prof said I would do great in whatever career I decide to take.
9. Got my saxophone results, got very good remarks, and had the ‘best playing by ear of the day,’ according to Turk. I’m totally ready for my recital.
10. Went to English, blurred through exam, talked to prof. She said that I’m going to live a very exciting life, and that I’ll do fantastic in whatever I choose. She still recommends the Ph.D.
11. Came home, listened to really good episode of IDDFOS (heard my letter again, yay, I’m a whore).
12. Got invite to hang with the Dancer.
13. Had lovely walk to Hastings and back.
14. Submitted “Illness” for Submission
15. Bought books on Writing Programs
16. Made blueberry muffins
17. Took history final, got a 76. Got a B, but it’s not a C!
18. Got some reading done.

And that’s my day. A good day at that. There were other small things, like smiling to people, and talking to people, and having a decent small chat here or there. Good day, Derek. Good day.

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